Detox for the Decade

5 01 2011

In 2011, I am starting off the new decade as a changed woman, an alcohol-free woman. After having some medical difficulties, my doctor informed me that it is no longer healthy for me to consume distilled liquor and I am now restricted to one serving of wine or beer per day.

Now when I first heard this news a lot of things were running through my head, the first being — OMG the best days of my life are already behind me! Then that was followed by:

– But I haven’t even been to Vegas yet;

– I only just became legally allowed to drink a year ago;

– My bachelorette party is going to suck (contrary to popular belief, this is the only part of my wedding I have been looking forward to since I was a little girl);

– I will forever  be the designated driver among my friends;

– Never again will I be able to use  the I-was-so-drunk excuse for embarrassing or regretful behavior;

– I will always feel the pain of my high heels throughout the entire night;

– The rest of my life is going to be incredibly boring.

Then after the initial freak out I calmed down and thought about the benefits that this situation presented me with. I mean while Snooki makes waking up in dumpsters seem so glamorous and Ke$ha seems to have the garbage bag look down when she’s “dancing dumb” and her “body’s going numb”, I just think maybe it wouldn’t hurt to live my life a bit more classy and put together. So I came up with the following reasons why no longer being able to drink distilled liquor might not be such a bad thing:

– I will seem oh so sophisticated having a glass of wine when I’m out with friends;

– My nights will be much less embarrassing and my mornings much less regretful;

– I will never have a hangover ever again;

– I will probably fall less (though this is questionable since I am a huge klutz);

– I am capable of having fun without being drunk.

And who knows, after a year of drinking only a glass of wine when going out, I may lose so much of my tolerance that I might start to feel a little “tipsy” from just that one glass. But for now, after still being fresh out of college, where downing a bottle of vodka between 3-4 friends was a pre-game, I’ll have to come to terms with my new sober self.

So far it hasn’t been so bad. New Year’s Eve I opted for a low-key apartment party rather than a raging club, and I ended up having a great time, despite any reservations I may have had.

So with this new decade comes a new resolution for me to stay healthy, and if that means being the only sane lady in a room full of sweaty, grinding wasted slobs then I guess I’ll just have to deal. I’m starting this new decade on a fresh note. From here on out, sober is the new black and I’m rockin’ it all four seasons long.





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